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the mother/daughter plot
Sunday, April 27, 2008 at 8:49 AM

So much to say this week. Really, lots but I will think about updating them later. I have some pieces of my puzzle here in this post. If you are a mother, or a daughter, or someone related to them, do read this:

The facts are: (take this with a pinch of salt. it's true.)
- Mothers and teenage daughters fight more than any other parent/child pair
- A daughter's relationship with her mother has a lifelong impact on her sense of self and well-being

Myths: (do you ever feel this way? cos it isn't the real way things are.)
- Teenage daughters want to separate from their mothers, both psychologicall and emotionally
- Teen conflict with a parent is an attempt to cut off emotional and psychological bonds
- Rebellious behaviour and conflict go hand on hang, and are part of the same urge to disconnect from a parent
- To the extent that teenage girls are unable to separate from a mother, their growth stagnates
- Mothers are afraid of being abandones by their daughters and so give mixed messages about independence and growth
- Mothers, having themselves been frustrated in their own personal gola,s are envious of daughters with more opportunities
- Girls take one step forward and away, only to be filled with fear that they will destroy or punish a mother by moving on
- Teenage girls undergo a progressive self-silencing process, and mothers usually participate in this process

New understanding confirms that:
- Mother/daughter arguments are a process whose aim is to negotiate a daughter's identity
- Teenage girls seek a new balance rather than distance or separation from a mother
- The aim of conflict with mother and daughter is to change the relationship and to move close on different terms
-Far rom colluding in attempts to silence teenage girls, mothers liberate a girl's articulate self-awareness

Terri Apter. You Don't Really Know Me - Whye Mothers and Daughters Fight and How
 Both Can Win. New York: Norton, 2004.

Ladida. Goodnight. Anyway happy 1 year 6 months to you Peter Ewen Davidson.

End.